Just a lazy Saturday reading High Times magazine.
Experienced the New York rite of passage today that is being wined and dined at the Stuyvesant Town Leasing Office on 14th and 1st.
When you walk in everything is clean and beautiful and seems so easy and realistic. You sit on trendy uncomfortable couches while your “broker” (but no fee! Stuytown is a magical place where no fees exist!) gets you an Evian bottle. You’re taken through the community which has roller hockey courts, sprawling greenery and seemingly hired smiling children running through the pathways. What is this place you wonder? Where am I?
The model apartments are all furnished with West Elm accessories and the closets are big enough to fit Mariah Carey’s shoe collection. The landlord pays your electric bill. There is laundry you can activate through your phone. There are film screenings in the “lounge” where people hang out apparently.
Then you get to the details. Oh, the details.
The building you are standing in starts at about $3,500. Oh, also? If you have a roommate you’ll have to get a wall constructed which costs about $2,000. The cheapest properties start at about $2,900, all the way over on Avenue C. You’ll need to get a $2K wall there too.
Wait… you DON’T make a six-figure income? You’re not a trust fund child? Let me show you the door.
Thanks for nothing, Stuyvesant Town Leasing Office. You can take your film screenings and your roller hockey and shove it!
